Obnoxious Droppings

A Former Sgt in the US Marines, US Army and Australian Federal Police - With an Attitude Problem - Looking at the Shits & Giggles of life from a Quasi-Conservative Point of View * * * WARNING! STRONG LANGUAGE FOLLOWS! * * *

31 January, 2005

The Evening Chuckle

It's not often I get two chuckles in one day, so hurry over to Merde In France and have a read of this.

It made my day!

It's been pointed out to me that the screen appears blank. That's because the graphic might not be displayed. Just scroll down for the article.


About That "Happy Dance"

This morning I said something about how the Iraqis need some help with their Happy Dance.

Maybe it's because this is only the third time since the fall of Babylon they've even had a reason to use the Happy Dance - the Fall of Saddam, the Capture of Saddam, and now the election.

Come to think of it, their Happy Dance is coming along quite nicely, isn't it? Let's hope they have more reasons to use it!


Ass-Face Ghoul Plea Bargains to 12 Years

Remember 3 years age, when a crematorium in Georgia was found with over 300 bodies rotting out back?

Well, said ass-face was in court for sentencing today with family members who he gave cement dust to instead of their loved ones all asking the same question: "Why?"

Whether they ever get an answer or not, this prick has apparently cut a deal where he will only do a max of 12 years. There's millions of dollars in judgements against this ass and his company, but no one will likely see a dime of that.

Hey! That's It!!

I think an expose of the funeral and crematory trade would be just f'kin perfect for Mikey Moore! Anybody got his number for me?


The Morning Chuckle

If you haven't been over to Rather Biased lately, go over and start reading. Since I can't stomach seeing him I miss his hyperbole.

Well, no, I don't really, but it's nice to have a site that I know I can rely on to keep me abreast of the workings over at the Black Eye of Big Brother.


Ooohhh! What He Said!!

I don't think I've seen a reporter or commentator on any news channel get as vicious as Neil Cavuto did yesterday - at least on an issue not involving our wonderful political process.

This man is serious!

True Colors
Friday, January 28, 2005
By Neil Cavuto

So the United Nations
is all hot and bothered over leaflets. That's right — leaflets. Not the insurgents' leaflets — the ones that talk of murdering anyone who dare goes out and votes. Not a word about them.

No, they are upset at "our" leaflets. The ones that simply remind Iraqis they have the chance to vote. They've plenty of words about them. The U.N. claims that we're taking sides.

So, let me get this straight: Celebrating democracy is bad. Promising to butcher those who practice it is good?

Only a body of soulless bodies like the U.N. could ignore the sacrifices for freedom and all but endorse those doing everything in their power to squash freedom.

Why doesn't the United Nations just put out a sign that says, "You go, butchers!" At least that'd be more honest than the sneaky, sniveling, backstabbing way these disingenuous bastards are acting now.

Never mind the fact that the U.N. stood by when another Iraqi butcher had his way with his people. They're just as happy to do the same as new butchers try to have their way with the same people.

All I ask of the U.N. is to show your true colors. Admit it's not the Iraqi people you care for at all. It's not their home you want to protect. It's your own sorry asses on the thoroughly wasted piece of Manhattan real estate that you call yours.

Just understand that the people whose fates you blithely ignore, want to secure something a tad more meaningful.

So look in the mirror. Then get out of "their" face.

Watch Neil Cavuto weekdays at 4 p.m. ET on "Your World with Cavuto" and send your comments to cavuto@foxnews.com


And The Winner Is ... Not The Terrorists

At least the election is over - although I understand that Ted Kennedy called for a recount out of habit. While some polls in Sunni areas wern't used, other Sunni areas needed extra booths brought in to handle the numbers. The Sunni's didn't boycott, they were supressed.

I understand that John Kerry (or was that Barbara Boxer?) claimed the election was a sham because Tariq Azziz, Baghdad Bob and Saddam didn't vote!

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us with thanks to Chris Muir

The next 3 - 4 days may be crucial for this, since just holding up your hand can get you a very early grave. The people knew that and voted anyway!

Think about that - would you vote if you knew there was a likelihood it would mean your death? Those who are discounting this election should think about that for a bit before heaping scorn on the process.

One last note on this, tho - I really think the Iraqian Bandstand version of the "Happy Dance" needs a little work, but that could just be a cultural thing.


30 January, 2005

Would You Buy From This Man?

Here I am, minding my own business, watching some Sunday night TV. Within an hour I see Erik Estrada - wasn't he Paunch? - in two different ads hawking properties. One was for a place in Arkansas (did they rename Whitewater?) and another for someplace in Florida.

And in both ads he's wearing the same damn clothes!

I mean, c'mon! Even working in front of a green screen, you'd think that someone would realize that there's someone like me out here that would pick up on something like that, wouldn't ya?

Guess not.


If Today's Sunday ...

Then it must be time for a new column from Mark Steyn in the Chicago Sun Times - and for once Sailor hasn't beaten me to it!

Mark waxes lyrical on the future today brings to Iraq and the entire Middle East. As usual most on the Left won't be happy with him, but those in the middle or conservative areas might just agree with most of what he has to say.


29 January, 2005

It HAD To Happen

Attitude With Legs, aka my Girl Child was on her way to work about 45 minutes ago. She grew up driving in this crap (about 1" of snow covered by about 1/2 " of ice) and she has an all-wheel drive SUV. OK so far? Good.

One of the local Prince Charmings decided to pull out in front of her without even looking, leaving her the choice of either (a) broad-siding the prick or (b) standing on the WIDE pedal and testing out the ABS.

She, for reasons not known to me, chose Option B and when the brakes kicked in she ended up in a f'kin ditch. No harm, no foul - she's unhurt and so's the car. A samaritan with a tow rope got her out and home she wended, with an adrenaline rush you wouldn't f'kin BELIEVE!

Of course, she was too busy going into evasive manoevers to get this asshole's license plate. But he'll be around again.

I hope.


Time For The Floorshow!

The weather computers are calling for the Greater Winston Salem Area (yeah, right!) to get snow, sleet and freezing rain today and into tomorrow morning.

Let The Games Begin!

I might have to grab a thermos of Irish coffee and a lawn chair so I can get a prime viewing area on one of our major roads. It's so rare that you can see a 20 car wreck without being in the middle of the sumbitch!


More on the Iraqi Vote

I saw where there are actually six places for the Iraqis in the US to vote, and Chicago has two of them. These are Rosemont (next to O'Hare Airport, northwest of the City) and Skokie (north of the City, on the Lake).

Now, I haven't been back around Chicago for five years or so, but last I saw, Skokie wasn't an area known for a big Muslim population.

Skokie has always been the center for Jewish Americans in the Midwest. Anyone familar with that area can't forget the march planned there by the American Nazi Party in the early 70's. A large number of Skokie's residents had numbers tattooed on their arms.

Now they have become a polling place for Iraqi's?

Who'da thunk it?


Time For The Monologue

No, not mine - I mean The Duck's!

Right Wing Duck had a lot of fun with his Friday monologue and it shows. Go see, have a giggle and say "Hi"!


Indigo Scores Big!

My Blogmother, Indigo Insights, has posted a letter from an officer on board the USS Abraham Lincoln that's an absolute must read. You want to know about the "Save the World" groups and their media entourage? This is the place to find out about it, and it ain't pretty.

Good one, Mama-san!


28 January, 2005

Where to Vote?

They were talking on the news about how only about 10% of the eligible Iraqi's in the US have registered to vote in this election. There maay be a pretty good reason for this.

The five locations in the US where Iraqi's can go cast their ballot are:

- Washington, DC
- Detroit, MI
- Chicago, IL
- Nashville, TN
- Los Angeles, CA

Fine and dandy. Now, I'll be the first to admit my ignorance as to the demographics of the Iraqi population in this country, but it would seem to me that anyone living in the NorthWest, the Great Plains or the South are pretty well fucked as far as voting is concerned. Unless, of course, they were willing to take time off work and travel to these polling places. This could entail a few days driving for some of them, and since our mainstream cuzzins have being doing such a bang-up job of telling them that their vote is worthless, well, why bother?


Enough, Already!

Geez, people! Get a f'kin life, OK?

First we had Bert & Ernie from Sesame Street, then the Teletubbies; now the whole SpongeBob thing. We've also had people going thru Disney animated movies frame-by-frame trying to find the word "SEX" in the clouds! Are these the same ones in the 60's and 70's who were playing records backwards looking for messages from Satan and fucking up their stereos?

It's a cartoon - they're friends. Even cartoon characters sometimes show such characteristics as friendship - or isn't that allowed without some blue-nosed sumbitch trying to insert their own fears and their own agenda?

Somewhere on this planet there must be something of value that these people can put their energies into, isn't there?


On Sunday's Election

If you're like me, you may already be wishing for this damned election to get done and get over with already. All of our MSM have been telling us for months that it won't happen, or if it did happen it would be meaningless.

Another point of view on this can be had by reading LtCol Oliver North's column today. As one who's been there and done that, he presents a point of view on this which is sadly lacking in the main American news media.


Carrying On From Yesterday

Yesterday, I tried to point out the the message the Democrats were sending, and those it chose to send the message was in my opinion pretty goofy. Following hard on that was the big ol' Teddy bear Kennedy telling everyone who'll listen that Iraq is a shambles that no one will ever recover from.

Today I ran across a columnist who treats these issues in a pretty dispassionate manner - no histrionics, just reasoned logic. Charles Krauthammer lays out just how he believes this will hurt the Democrats.

Of course I agree with his logic, but if anyone out these wishes to point out any faults in this, by all means, have at it!


27 January, 2005

Two More for the Margin

A couple of sites that I've been hitting for a while and never quite got around to linking to. The Museum of Left Wing Lunacy is more than just a descriptive title, believe me! And AcidMan, aka Gut Rumbles is required reading.

Welcome to my humble abode!


As You Can See, I'm Back

Yesterday was a recovery day for me after the joys of Tuesday. I'm pretty sure I can keep going for a while.

My last post garnered a Troll - I use that term because there was no reasoned argument. I really look forward to having an intellectual discussion about what's going on in the world, but the opportunities on my site are few and far between, so I find myself interjecting my brand of sarcasm on other sites.

I'm always open to opposing ideas - they can present views I hadn't previously considered and may help me to gain a more balanced outlook. Considering the underbelly of society that I've played with over the years, I think it highly unlikely, but it will make me think before posting a response!


The "Trash America" Cabal

Now that Dr. Rice has been confirmed, here's the list of "honorable" Senators who voted against her:
Jim Jeffords (Turncoat), Vermont
Robert C. Byrd (Klan), West Virginia
Jack Reed of Rhode Island
Edward M. Kennedy (Drunk), Massachusetts
Mark Dayton (Coward), Minnesota
Barbara Boxer (What's to the Left of Communism?), California
John Kerry (Bitter & Twisted), Massachusetts
Carl Levin of Michigan
Tom Harkin of Iowa
Frank Lautenberg (Organized Crime), New Jersey
Evan Bayh (Ambitious to a Fault), Indiana
Daniel Akaka of Hawaii
Richard Durbin (Gimme Another Knife), Illinois

Now, if you were head of a nation watching this, wouldn't you think you could get away with blowing off the American's top diplomat? Looks like that's the image the Donks want to project.


25 January, 2005

Whip Me, Beat Me, etc.

Some links I've meant to put up but never quite got around to. The keelhauling will commence as soon as I get a boat.

The United States Naval Observatory - need to know the exact time? Sunrise or sunset? What the night sky looks like? These people are The Standard.

Emigre With A Digital Cluebat - I dropped his link when his ISP dropped him and never got around to putting up the new IRL. I'm ashamed of myself.

Speaking of being ashamed of myself, The Mudville Gazette and Random Firings of Neurons are also added - and should have been here from Day One.

Another site is Top of My Head - a Cat / Medical blog. I'm a dog person myself, but I can occasionally allow space for opposing views (Indigo? You paying attention??)


The Excitement Continues To Build

Or should that be 'excretement'?

Another game day today at the Obnoxious Abode. Today will consist of getting my Quarterly Oil & Lube - aka my morphine pump gets refilled. Following hard on that is a trip to the VA Clinic to get my hoof preened, and later is a trip to the dentist.

I can't hardly control the welling enthusiasm! I may as well enjoy it since it's about my only chance to get out of the house these days. When there's ice on the ground the family straps me down, lest I hit a patch of that trecherous crap, do my patented Fantasia Hippo Dance Routine and fall flat on my ass.

On a very, very good note, the VA is now picking up the tab for my pump refills. They are now covering the expense for ALL of my medications, which makes She Who Must Be Obeyed a happy business manager for the household accounts.

Shoehorned into this somewhere will be looking for a replacement for the Lead Sled - my poor 10-year old Town Car is starting to get a bit tatty, and anyone who has tried to drive one of these during a Southern ice storm (or Northern snows) should get a degree in Applied Physics - the inertia of starting and stopping one of these is a trick you have to experience to really appreciate!

Like I can afford a new (to me) vehicle! These things are sent to try us, right?

Anyway, after a 'No Post' Monday, today's going to be pretty light unless I get the proverbial Wild Hair Up My Ass later and hit something that screams to be blogged.


23 January, 2005

Rose Mary Woods

The epitome of tact and discretion, Rose Mary Woods passed away today from unstated causes. She was 87.

For those of you too young to remember, Ms Woods was the secretary to President Richard M. Nixon. She was the one who was accused of erasing 18 1/2 minutes of tape while transcribing it. This bit of tape would have been crucial to prove what President Nixon knew about the Watergate break-in three days previously and when he knew it.

She freely admitted that she had accidently erased about five minutes of tape, but not all of it. The diagram of how she had to be positioned to do this still sticks in my mind.

She started working for Nixon when he was a Congressman. Up to the day she died she never made any statement about her knowledge of the Nixon family or the Watergate break-in and cover-up, even though it would have made her a very rich woman.

She was principled. She was discreet. She seems to have been about the last of a dying breed.


Rape Case in Louisiana Thrown Out

An unnamed judge in Leesville, LA, decided on Friday that six aggravated rape charges against Louis Glenn Dowden were basically "no offense" because of who Mr Dowden decided to rape.

Mr Dowden was a "resident training specialist" at the Leesville Developmental Center and those he raped were mentally handicapped residents at that home.

Because the judge decided that those who were raped wern't "mentally competent" to testify against Dowden, and since the case depended on those testimonies the prosecutor was forced to drop the charges. Unless there are other charges that don't rely on that testimony, Dowden gives a sweet smile and a big middle finger to the legal system and walks away clean.

I can forsee an influx of sex offenders to the Bayou State, and I gotta stop now and go puke. Cajun? You can take it from here if you desire.


22 January, 2005

Reaching Out

The Democrats seem to be genuine in their goal of working together with the Republicans for the good of the nation.

Why, just a couple of days ago, New York Senator Charles Schumer wrote, "When the inauguration bands stop playing and Congress comes back into session, we Democrats will be on guard and ready to fight against the Republicans’ extreme policies," while House minority leader Nancy Pelosi wrote, "I don’t feel much like celebrating. So I’m going to mark the occasion by pledging to do everything in my power to fight the Republicans’ agenda. Tell President Bush that party time is over."

Apparently the automatic gainsaying of anything the Republicans might propose (and trying to shut down the government) is what the Democrats meant. Looks like they're trying to get al-Zarqawi to take Terry MacAuliffe's job at the DNC.


Winning Friends, Sunni Style

So, by what I understand, a terrorist with a Sunni disposition grew tired of life, pulled up with an ambulance packed with explosives and blew the crap out of a Shi'a wedding. The bride and groom were among the injured. No word yet on if they are expected to survive.

Also yesterday, the Sunnis blew up a mosque in the middle of prayers. Let's hear it for their noted awe and respect for Allah.

Zarqawi certainly is extending a hand of friendship to the Shi'ites, trying to get them to stop working with the Great Satan, isn't he?

And Zarqawi and his followers just can't seem to understand why they're not working together.


21 January, 2005

Some People Gots No Sense O'Humor

I got an email the other day from this turd, bitching about how he went and took some R&R and when he got back his link had been fragged.

OK - I can take a hint. Johnny Knuckles - you are back in the Good Book.

Ya just can't stay mad at a fellow Marine.


P.J. O'Rourke Strikes Again

In the January 24th issue of the Weekly Standard, P.J. O'Rourke asks the question, "What if George W. Bush weren't a compassionate conservative . . . ?"

He then proceeds to submit for your approval an alternate Inaugural Address. It's truly a thing of beauty.


Indigo's Ailing

While I've been here holding my own Pity Party (instead of Black Tie & Boots, mine is Shower Shoes & Collar Stays), my dear friend and family member Indigo has been going through a very painful time with something akin to Shingles (her quack wears it's not, but she's been around enough to know better).

Indigo's site doesn't allow for comments, so please take the time to spare a thought for her? My Blogmother has more than enough to deal with without this.


20 January, 2005

I'm Sorry. I'm Very, Very Sorry

To all my brothers and sisters in the North Central and North Eastern parts of this great nation we call the United States - I'd like to apologise for our Governor and our pathetic road sense.

You may have seen that, with the rest of the country being hammered by record cold and snows, the Raleigh Durham area of North Carolina got a "snow storm" yesterday that caused record traffic jams - some delays were as long as 8 hours, about 1,000 accidents and was blamed for approx. 3,000 students being stranded at their schools overnight.

Gov. Easley declared a State of Emergency for the area and opened some government buildings to be used as shelters. All people who could stay home from work today were being urged to do so until the clean-up is complete.

The size of the "snow storm" that caused all this havoc?

One (1) inch. That's it. So sad.

And yes, I'm a transplanted Northerner.


19 January, 2005

Sorry 'Bout Dat

As the more astute of you may have noticed, there was no blog yesterday. It was one of my "Fun & Frolic" days, where I didn't even turn a computer on until after 5:00pm. That's also the reason that today didn't start until around 10:30.

Assuming I can get the chemicals to do their fuckin' job for once (and I can find subjects worthy of your elucidation), regular scheduled service should resume shortly.

Thank yew fer yourn' support!


Ripped From The Headlines

From the Winston Salem Urinal Wire Reports:

BRUSSELS - A group representing journalists world wide have urged governments to do more to protect reporters, after 129 of them were killed in 2004.

The International Federafion of Journalists said the three top places to go if a journalist is tired of life are Iraq (49), Phillipines (13) and India (7) deaths respectively. 2004 harvest of reporters was the highest since the Federation started keeping records (conveniently, in the 80's - why not before?).

I think I may have come up with a was that world governments can assist these journalists in their quest to be kept coccooned from possible side-effects of combat - keep them the hell away from those places! Throwing the pricks out of the 'embed' system would be a wonderful start!

TEHRAN - Iranian officials have said that they will not be intimidated by 'threats' such as Presient Bush saying that all options are open in the US dealings with Iran.

The Minister of "Defence" in Iran cryptically said "We have developed a might that no country can attack us because they do not have accurate information about our military capabilities".

Other than their ability to torture the English language, would you take that as a threat that the Iranians have developed nuclear weapons?

Seems to me to be more than enough reason to blow the shit outta'em, don't you?


17 January, 2005

I've About Had A Gutful

There's a couple of things recently that have finally reached a boiling point with me. One is "insurgents". The other is "torture".

First, a quick definition. An insurgent is defined as "Rising in revolt against established authority, especially a government." Got it? Good.

Over 90% of the mobile shit-stains currently operating in Iraq are not insurgents. They are terrorists. These aren't Iraqis rising up - they are Saudis and Syrians and Jordanians and Iranians and every other kind of feces you can name. In some cases they are there with the blessings of their own government because their masters are scared shitless that a genuine democracy might occur in their back yard. We all know how f'kin nasty those NIMBY people can get, don't we?

Now for the second part of this spleen-clensing exercise. I am sick to death of these candy-asses out there that constantly cry that we're 'torturing' those poor terrorists. For a start, what happened at AlGraib was not torture. At best it could be considered juvenile hazing. But these people are askeered that if we mistreat the terrorists, then they might start mistreating Americans.

I have seen the results of the terrorists current methods - the remains of charred bodies hanging from a bridge and the beheadings. Personally I think it's past time for us to start using some of their own techniques against them. If a few terrorists were to be dropped off at the door to a mosque over there with their throats shashed, it might just get their attention. At least it might let them know that we're through playing with them.

Fuck'em if they can't take a joke. Correspondence will not be entered into.


I'm Stunned.

I just read a short article on FoxNews that had my Pepsi shoot out my nose. I'm not even going to try to explain it - you just have to go read it for yourself.

Further proof (if such were needed) that the search for intelligent life in the Peoples Democratic Republic of Massachusetts is still proceeding but not holding out much hope.


Let's Play A Game

The History Channel is currently airing a 2-hour program entitled 'Hitler: Tyrant of Terror'. As I watch this, each time they say 'Hitler' I insert 'Stalin' and for 'Nazi' insert 'Communist'.

Guess what? It plays out pretty much identically either way, with the exception that Stalin was foolish enough to trust Hitler (and Stalin murdered more people). And where Hitler created one massive conflagration, Stalin and his followers went for smaller wars with insurgent uprisings.

And despite what the revisionist historians will tell you, Mussolini was a Fascist; Hitler was a Socialist - it wasn't just the name of his party. Yeah, I know - I'm full of shit, right? Read your damn history. Yes, Mussolini was one of his early heroes, but even as soon as 1940 Hitler had nothing but contempt for the bald Italian.

And ya know what? When you get right down to it, there isn't any difference between any of them. Fascist, Socialist or Communist - the murderous treatment of their own citizens, let alone what they'll do to others, is the same.


Armstrong Williams Is Bush's Fault!

My local Winston Salem Urinal never disappoints. On today's OpEd pages there's one column about Budweiser suing Billy Budd Beer, a column by William Raspberry bashing Bill Cosby because his message to blacks about education is comprehensible to whites, and one editorial sounded astounded that blacks, whites and hispanics can work together without race being the only topic of conversation.

The other editorial, all three letters and the other two colums are (surprise, surprise) telling us how President Bush is the personification of Evil! One of these columns in particular caught my attention.

The column is by
John Young, of the Waco Tribune-Herald. In the Urinal the title is, "Where is outrage over use of tax dollars" but the original title when it was published on January 13th was, "Underwriters of illusion". In it he claims that "the White House paid a conservative black syndicated columnist and talk-show host, Mr. Armstrong Williams, $240,000 to shill on the air for the No Child Left Behind act". Notice that it wasn't the Dept. of Education that paid Williams to back the program - it was "the White House" - President Bush personally who cut the check.

U.S. Administrations in the past have used all kinds of media analysts to get across their views and programs. FDR, HST and JFK used them extensively. This time it was a conservative - and a black conservative at that! - who was paid to do what he was already doing from his own convictions. That made it EVIL!!

Mr Armstrong immediately lost all of his outlets for his opinions - being dropped by the "horrified" liberal owners of the medias in which he had been employed (a blacklist?) and has been slapped around by his sanctimonious brethern in the industry much worse than Jayson Blair ever was.

And this Mr. Young is getting paid for his opinions? I. Am. Depressed.


Play Nice With The Terrorists?

It's nice to see that someone else is disgusted with the Democrats at the Alberto Gonzalez confirmation hearings preening for the cameras while they voice their outrage that we don't give the terrorists full Geneva Convention coverage.

Mark Steyn is back in the Washington Times today, and he says it much better than I could.


16 January, 2005

It Is To Laugh

^*^ In today's Winston Salem Urinal, there's an article about how Michael Moore's high school in Davison, Michigan (note: that is NOT Flint) has so far not inducted him into the school's "Hall of Fame".

But fear not - entirely in keeping with Moore's own methods, a supporter claims that he's been "blacklisted", and is spreading money around, apparently with the hopes of buying Michael Moore a place in Hall.

^*^ That damned Squid is starting to piss me off!

Once again, The Sailor In The Desert has beaten me to the Mark Steyn column this week. Instead of using the link on my page, go over to the Sailor and read it there. I'd rather give him the hit instead of the Chicago Sun Times, plus you will also get the benefit of the Squid's incisive commentary!

^*^ I don't know what's in the water these days, but Mostly Cajun is connecting to some Kipling today. Must be the phase of the moon or something!

^*^ Right Wing Duck has come up with a fantastic idea - kinda Tooth Fairy, kinda Santa Claus. Sorta like the Democrats, but this one actually delivers!

Oops - footballs on! I'll post more if and when something tickles my uh, er, Fancy (yeah - that's it).


15 January, 2005

To Serve And Protect?

I just know I’m going to end up in the shit for this one.

When I was a cop in Australia, and we’re going back a while here, most of the cops I knew put all their property in their wife’s name. This was done so that when the court system turned some piece of shit loose and he sued you, they couldn’t give him your house.

Do you think I’m joking? Do you think that’s an exaggeration? No Fucking Way. I was only on the streets for about 4 of my 7 ½ years on the job there, but the legal system was as bad as it is here in the United States.

In one way or another, She Who Must Be Obeyed and I have associated with police in many places around this great nation and overseas, and it’s pretty much standard now that the cops - of all races and ethnic backgrounds- are marking time, waiting for the day they can retire. And they have very good reasons for that.

Whenever a Black or Hispanic is pulled over for an offence (or is arrested somewhere,) in approximately 75% of the time the officer is facing a very real threat of being accused of racism. It doesn’t matter whether the person committed an offence or not, it’s the police officers that has to defend themselves in a court.

It’s an indisputable truth that our legal system is a joke. Between activist judges, vague laws and DA’s that make Heckle & Jeckle look like Harvard grads, our street cops don’t stand a chance. And I’m not just talking about white officers here - ALL of them, male, female, Black, Asian, whatever.

Should you happen to get pulled over for something in the future, please look at it this way: Whether you are guilty or not, think of it as payback for the number of times you got away with murder, and keep in mind that the cop standing there by you has to eat an incredible amount of shit every day and can still be polite and respectful to you (in most cases).

That cop is just putting in his (or her) 8 hours so they can go home to their families. Don’t just see the damn uniform, OK?


How Stupid is This?

We here in North Carolina have a new law that is putting more children in danger than they were in the past. Someone in the legislature must be making a fast buck off of this.

Children who are under 8 years old or weigh less than 80 pounds must be in a booster seat. No mention of height, right?

I have a 7 year old granddaughter who now sits in her booster. This means that no seat belt fits her anymore, and she has no protection behind her head because she's quite tall. If she is in an accident in the next three months, because of this law she will be injured worse than before January 1st!

Thankfully, in three months she'll turn 8. We can then throw the booster seat so that she'll be protected in the car.

Although, now that I think of it, living here in Winston Salem, you see cars full of kids who are plaing full-court basketball or holding gymnastic meets in the back seat and the cops don't seem to care about them not using seat belts, so maybe this will be enforced the same way?


Do You Like Kipling?

I don't know - I've never Kippled! So much for that old saw.

I was over at the Conservative Insurgent a bit ago, and saw that he'd put "Gunga Din" up on his site. That gave me the impetus to finally get off my butt and type "Tommy" in so I can put it here. Kipling's "Tommy" has always been one of my favorite pieces of writing. Since I'm such a sick, cynical, bitter and twisted sonofabitch, you can see what I mean:


I went into a public-‘ouse to get a pint o’ beer,
The publican ‘e up an’ sez ‘We serve no red-coats here.’
The girls be’ind the bar they laughed an’ giggled fit to die,
I outs into the street again an’ to myself sez I:
O it’s Tommy this, an’ Tommy that, an’ ‘Tommy, go away’;
But it’s ‘Thank you, Mister Atkins,’ when the band begins to play -
The band begins to play, my boys, the band begins to play,
O it’s ‘Thank you, Mister Atkins,’ when the band begins to play.

I went into a theatre as sober as could be,
They gave a drunk civilian room, but ‘adn’t none for me;
They sent me to the gallery or round the music-‘alls,
But when it come to fightin’, Lord! they’ll shove me in the stalls!
For it’s Tommy this, ‘an Tommy that, an’ ‘Tommy, wait outside’;
But it’s ‘Special train for Atkins’ when the troopers on the tide -
The troopship’s on the tide, my boys, the troopship’s on the tide,
O it’s ‘Special train for Atkins’ when the troopers on the tide.

Yes, makin’ mock o’ uniforms that guard you while you sleep
Is cheaper than them uniforms, an’ they’re starvation cheap;
An’ hustlin’ drunken soldiers when they’re goin’ large a bit
Is five times better business than paradin’ in full kit.
Then it’s Tommy this, ‘an Tommy that, an’ ‘Tommy, ‘ow’s yer soul?’
But it’s ‘Thin red line of ‘eroes’ when the drums begin to roll -
The drums begin to roll, my boys, the drums begin to roll,
O it’s ‘Thin red line of ‘eroes’ when the drums begin to roll.

We aren’t no thin red ‘eroes, nor we aren’t no blackguards too,
But single men in barricks, most remarkable like you;
An’ if sometimes our conduck isn’t all your fancy paints,
Why, single men in barricks don’t grow into plaster saints;
While it’s Tommy this, ‘an Tommy that, an’ ‘Tommy, fall be’ind,’
But it’s ‘Please to walk in front, sir,’ when there’s trouble in the wind -
There’s trouble in the wind, my boys, there’s trouble in the wind,
O it’s ‘Please to walk in front, sir,’ when there’s trouble in the wind.

You talk o’ better food for us, an’ schools, an’ fires, an’ all;
We’ll wait for extry rations if you treat us rational.
Don’t mess about the cook-room slops, but prove it to our face
The Widow’s Uniform is not the soldier-man’s disgrace.
For it’s Tommy this, ‘an Tommy that, an’ ‘Chuck him out, the brute!’
But it’s ‘Saviour of ‘is country’ when the guns begin to shoot;
An’ it’s Tommy this, ‘an Tommy that, an’ anything you please,
An’ Tommy ain’t a bloomin’ fool - you bet that Tommy sees!

That was written in 1890. I can't see any changes between then and now, can you? Unless maybe the civilians have gotten even more uncaring (for the most part)?


A Battalion Commander Erupts

Go over to Indigo's page.

Seems that a Lieutenant Colonel in the 1st Cav has had a gutful of our national media, aka AlJezeera West. The man speaks his mind and it's worth listening to each and every word.

Shame that we're the only ones that will pay attention. I might have to try and get in touch with him to see if it's worth trying to get that into any newspapers - or would that be more than his job's worth?


Yup - Looks About Right

Shamelessly stolen from Grouchy Old Cripple in Atlanta.

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

No further comment needed.


Just Thinkin'

* It was nice to see that the judge yesterday decided that Michael Newdow can’t impose his religious beliefs on the President. A refreshing change.

* Speaking of the Inauguration, people are throwing a fit because it’s going to bring jobs and income to the D.C. area. First they were saying that the $40 mil. should go to Tsunami relief. Now they’re saying that the DoD needs the money (yeah, right). Why not send the money to:

- Social Security – that’d make a real difference, huh?
- Homeland Security
- Border Patrol
- Education
- Mudslide victims

In fact, let’s set up a rule that allows us to tell EVERYONE how they have to spend their money! We could call the place the Union of United Soviet States!

* Spec. Graner was convicted at his Courts Martial yesterday. Since the Communist Wing of the Democratic Party keeps insisting that Iraq is the new VietNam, does this make Graner the new Lt Calley?

* The American media is upset that Prince Harry wears a costume to a costume party. They still don’t understand that the British tabloids would print the floatability of the Royal’s shit if they could get a peek. Americans in general don’t understand the way the Brits feel about the Royal Family – hell, if one of them farts, half the country lines up for a whiff, while Scotland and Wales try to use it as justification for independence.

* I’ve been noticing St. Joseph’s Aspirin ads recently. I seem to remember how their children’s aspirin was forced off the market because kids liked the orange taste (Boy Wonder got his stomach pumped for eating a bottle of them once). Now you have childrens painkillers in cherry, grape and bubble gum - and it comes in handy liquid form so that the kiddies can chug a whole bottle.

* I also love seeing the ads for hip and knee replacement parts. Makes me want to rush out right now and shop for a doctor willing to stick them into me - whether I need them or not!

* Finally, once again Bubba Clintoon is being floated (for what floats, see Prince Harry article above) for Secretary General of the UN – as if things aren’t bad enough with Coffee Anus. You think the UN troops around the world are setting up sex camps now? Wait until you see the organization Bubba could bring to them!

As president, Clintoon proved he couldn't organize a piss-up in a brewery, so the changeover would be seamless.

* Oh, and I turned 54 yesterday (deep sigh). The really nice thing about it is that it beats the shit out of the alternative. The down side is that my wonderful chillens got together on a gift for me - a pair of ass-padded undies for those underendowed in the "Baby Got Back" department.

The funerals for both of them will be held later in the week, and in lieu of flowers just send me the cash.


14 January, 2005

Where's The Rest Of The Story?

A 22 year old, Steven Ekberg of Ocala Florida, is busted for having a concealed weapon. A search of his Mama's house (where he lives) turns up a "Uzi-type submachine gun" along with some semi-automatic rifles and "a quantity of ricin".

A quantity of Ricin? Excuse me? And they're saying he's not a "terrorist" - so where'd he get the ricin? Yes, it is a naturally occurring compound from the Castor bean, but you'd need one hell of a bunch of beans combined with the ability to extract the ricin without killing yourself.

Mama says he's a good boy - so what else is new? And the term terrorist covers a lot of ground - including ALF, ELF, Neo-Nazis, KKK and a whole slew of others besides the international groups.

I have a feeling that this story is going to be allowed to quietly die - what do you think?


Here's A Real "No-Shitter" For You!

Rich Lowry at TownHall has a column out today saying that "Zell was Right"; that Zell Miller's book "A National Party No More" was right on the mark and that some Democrats are starting to get the message. WOW! What a concept!

Of course WaterWings and BotoxBoy can be excused from that group - they've got a chit or something. But some Democrats starting to think that people with religious values, those who don't necessarily think all guns are evil, and those who might not view abortion as first choice in birth control methods might have something to offer them?

Nah, it'll never catch on.


Wanted: Lawyer Seeking Publicity

Once again, the reincarnation of Madeline O'Hair is trying to overturn 214 years of American history.

If President Bush has an invocation at his inaugration, Michael Newdow claims this will "force him to accept unwanted religious beliefs." according to wire service reports. As per normal, I'm confused. Does this mean:

- He's being forced to accept that religion exists?
- He's being forced to become a Christian? or
- He's being forced to admit his own views can be construed to be a

Personally, I'm plumping for Option 4 - that Newdow couldn't give a rat's ass about religion one way or another, he just wants to keep his name recognition going and his law firm needs boosting. It gives him great publicity (all publicity is good publicity) without having to spend a dime.

Otherwise, would you even know this dickwad's name?


13 January, 2005

Am I The Only One?

Am I the only independent blogger out here?

By reading the reports at MSNBC, CNN and other sites, I get the impression that all us bloggers have formed one big Conservative Cabal for the sole purpose of denigrating Democrats in general and Liberals in particular.

I announced from the beginning that my views are conservative on some issues, liberal on others and on the fence on some. I am not affiliated with any group - be it bloggers or political.

I've been reading the news and opinion pieces about CBS across the spectrum from Coulter to Alterman. Most of them seem to agree that the documents were forged (Alterman is on his own planet). That's pretty much where any agreement ends. No where in the ABCNBCCNNMSNBC is there any word of a political axe to grind on the part of Mapes. To admit to that would lead to their own demise.

If these media outlets were to examine their reporting going back as far as the 70's for each election (both on and off year) and tallied their on air (or in print) stories for each candidate (both positive and negative), I think the results would scream their hypocracy to them.

The saddest part of their refusal to honestly examine themselves is that by default they are handing the news media over to Fox and the bloggers. There needs to be a balance to this but those at CBS, NBC, ABC and the others will continue to broadcast to Boston, New York, San Francisco, Los Angeles and parts of Chicago. The major newspapers from those cities have also become a giggle due to their outrageous partisanship. They aren't going to leave, but their market shares will be comparable with what most Cable show market shares were a few years ago.

That's it. The only thing I have left to say is, "Where can I join that Conservative Cabal, and how much does it pay?"


12 January, 2005

The NFL Never Disappoints, Does It?

Those football "fans" out there who dislike the Minnesota Vikings in general, or Randy Moss in particular, have new grist for their grinding jaws. Once again, the NFL gave it's seal of approval to the lad by fining him a whopping $5,000.00 for his pantomime 'mooning' of the fans at Green Bay (and all watching on TV) last weekend.

Back in December I wrote about a head-high tackle that cost one player $75,000 and the other several days in hospital hoping to get all the use of his limbs back. In the last day of the regular season, another player got fined the same amount for launching himself as a helmet-first missle at an opponent's head.

Terence Jeffrey at TownHall has his take on some of this. Personally I think he misses the bigger picture. In recent years the number of convicted criminals has risen in professional football, while respect for the fans - either ticket buyers or the greater watching public at home - went out of the game with Johnny U's high tops and crew cut. They can mouth all the right platitudes, but if the contract is a dollar short or all the demands aren't 100% given, they are GONE!

Players move, teams move - ask someone from Cleveland about the Rams, or someone my age from Chicago about the Cardinals - the NFL has never been about fan loyalty. Hell, the Chicago Bears moved there from Decatur after only a year or so after the league was formed!

Like I said once before, the professional sports in America are good for a giggle, but always keep in mind that there ain't a damn thing happening in it that's going to affect your paycheck.


11 January, 2005

Well, I'll Be Dipped!

I just noticed that we here at Obnoxious Droppings went over the 6,000 hit mark this afternoon. And yeah - I'm still new enough at this that marking off the thousands is a big deal!

With the drop-off of people cruising the web since the election, I figured that it would just me a few of those I know that would be stopping by. Obviously I was wrong.

We passed 6 months a week ago; now 6,000 hits. You're twisting my arm to continue, aren't you? Thanks to everyone, and Indigo's buying the first round!


Have You Ever Wondered?

Have you ever asked yourself, "Gee - I wonder what a .50 caliber round can do to a terrorist?"

If so, go over to Grouchy Old Cripple in Atlanta.


This is the Real Deal, and if you are even a little bit squeamish, don't go. It's a very graphic photo which almost made She Who Must Be Obeyed heave - and she was a nurse for many years.


I'm Getting Worried About Her ...

I forgot to mention that my Blogmother, Indigo, put some very funny stuff up on her site yesterday. The thing that has me worried is that she titled her effort "Monday Pasties".

Now, I only know of two definitions for the word "pasties". One is a fairly tasty pie-like object containing meat, potatoes and other sundry veggies. The other definition is the hubcaps worn by strippers (and Janet Jackson - but I repeat myself).

I can't see the relationship of either of those to her post, and I'm sincerely hoping that there is a third definition (maybe a local North Carolinian variant?).

Please, Oh Please, Enlighten Me!


Not the Dan Rather Story

I figure every other blogger out there, including all the pro's, are going to be hitting on the gigglefest released yesterday about CBS. I thought I'd hit something else.

On Page 2 of the Winston Salem Urinal today, there's a story headlined Ribbons on Bumpers Becoming Statements. Without citing any individual or group, this article claims that by putting the yellow "Support Our Troops" magnets on your car you are also (unknowingly) making a pro-Bush statement and you support this administration's policy on Iraq.

The by-line on the story is (insert shock and surprise here) the San Francisco Barnicle - yet I can find no mention of this on their web site.

So much for the Demon-crat version of "I support the troops, not the war" blah blah bullshit. It took longer than I had expected for their hypocritical stance to be admitted to, but is anyone really shocked?


10 January, 2005

I'm Skeptical

The Department of the Navy tells us that the USS San Francisco grounded itself 350 miles from Guam, killing one sailor and injuring dozens of others.

Have a look at this shot of the sub coming in to port:

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

Judging by the damage to the conning tower, they must have "grounded" themselves upside down. It looks to me more like the damage that would be received by hitting a floating object - say, another ship?

El Calamaro Grande? Any other Navy types out there? I can't see anything in the bow wave that would indicate underwater damage. Please enlighten me, for I am but a poor, iggernut and itenerant Formar Jarhead!


What's Wrong With This Picture?

The Palestinians hold their version of an election. Wunderbar. I'm just so f'kin happy for them. The pre-determined leader is annointed. Again, I'm f'kin estatic.

But within 24 hours of the result being proclaimed from the adobe squat tops, who are the first two 'Mericans to waltz in to glad hand Mr. Abbas? You got it - Jimmy "If I Had A Hammer I'd Beat My Own Brains Out" Carter and John "Oompa Loompa" Kerry.

For some strange reason, that has about the same effect on my blood pressure as plugging my dick into the mains would have. That's a mind-picture that even I didn't need this early in the day!

All we need now is for Bush to send over an official delegation consisting of Conyers, Pelosi and Boxer.


Death Squads?

Let me start this by saying that in the 80's, I was living in Australia, and we heard as much about the U.S. as you heard about them, OK? So when I hear about Salvador, I think of Dali.

I don't care what you want to call them, this concept is as old as man. By what I can figure out, what we're supposedly looking at doing isn't much different than training up some locals to be as close as we can get them to the standards of Force Recon, Ranger, Sniper or SEAL. B.F.D.

Don't you think it's about time we get around to using some of the bad guy's tactics against them? I don't think this kind of training will approach that, dammit, but it's a real good start.

One thing that worries me about this. Think Taliban. When the Soviets were in Afghanistan, we were in Peshawar and other Northwest Frontier areas of Pakistan arming and training the Mujahadeen, and when the Russian Bear finally pulled out, these guys were sitting pretty - all dressed up and no place to go. Result? Islamic takeover of Kabul. Are we setting ourselves up for a similar result in Iraq?

Our governments seem to have not figured out that the bad guys in Iraq and elsewhere not only don't play by our rules, they don't play by any rules - and forget the Koran - that's just a loose guide at best and a handy excuse at worse.

I'm not calling for us to start sanctioning beheadings - nice, but optional. What I would like to see, though, is something more like what the police in Russia do. The Miranda Rules do not apply to these assholes. Can we please stop playing nice and get the f'kin job done? Huh?


09 January, 2005

Good Intentions

Thanks to Sailor, I have found that Mark Steyn has, indeed, been busy - just not on his web site.

Mr. Steyn has a couple of words to say about both the U.N. and his very own Canada in this commentary from the Washington Times.

If you'll head over to the Sailor's site, you'll see Mark's comments on the ill-fated "Boxer Rebellion".

I owe you one, Squid!


08 January, 2005

More Giggles - The Sporting Life

I'm watching the playoff game between Seattle and St. Louis, and they have the ESPN gang of idiots doing the mike time.

These asswipes started my bullshit meter off when there was a penalty on a kick-off. These three blind mice were too busy listening to their own voices than to tell us what the penalty was or even which team it was against.

Next, a Seattle player fumbles but the ball comes back to him. Most football commentators would say the ball came back and hit him in the gut, but nooooo - these tinkerbelles actually said it bounced into his tummy.

Isn't that speshul? By the time this game is over, this post might grow to epic proportions!

OK - I admit it - I watched the rest of the game on Mute. There's only so much I can stand.


Shits & Giggles - Mostly Giggles

There's been 12 days of rain in California. Does anyone on the Left Coast know what a cubit is?

Why do I even know the names Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston? They can read things and regurgitate them with no memory.

Speaking of why do I know this name, is there a self-respecting Rottweiler out there who would soil their teeth on Amber Frey?

Tomorrow is the Palestinian election. Why does the word caricature keep appearing in my mind?

The USS San Francisco, a nuclear submarine, ran aground in the Pacific Ocean. No word on if this is a boomer or an attack sub. A real career enhancer for the Skipper, huh?

The headline on FoxNews reads "Kids Strip-Searched for $10". I don't think the image that leaves me with is what they wanted to convey. My first thought was, "Hell, I'd do it for $5!"

Apparently it has dawned on U.S. Ambassador to the UN that Paul Volcker's report on the Food for Oil scam isn't going to get the info and can't do anything even if it could. What a complete surprise to the rest of us!

That'll do for now. More giggles as they strike me.


07 January, 2005

I'm Back - And I'm Pissed

OK - so I missed a day. I've been trying to do some of the household tasks and, as usual, they ended up kicking my ass. So far, today I'm functioning with the assist of Mother Grouch's Patented Pain Remedy. A nice little cocktail of chemicals that would knock your average gorilla on its ass. It lets me function - somewhat.

My reason for rousing myself is Vincente Fox. Ever since he took control of Mexico he has taken every opportunity to piss on our nation. His latest effort? A comic book.

Now, as you may already know, this isn't just any comic book, but a "How To" guide on infiltrating the American borders. Isn't that lovely? The reason its a comic book is because the audience for this can't read Spanish! That should tell you that these people are either the dregs of Mexican society who are unemployable there or they aren't Mexican to start with.

There have been several Middle Eastern men caught trying to get through the border in the last several years. I'd hazard a guess that they weren't coming to start up an Islamic version of Mother Teresa Missions.

The really sad thing about this is President Bush apparently sees nothing wrong in this! If he did, he would be making strong representations to the Mexican Government with some strong teeth backing them up.

Vincente Fox is a sleeze of the lowest sort, but he's not completely stupid. He knows that he can send his human trash across our borders and the ACLU will kiss his ass for it. "Guest Workers" my ass - these are gang members, criminals and terrorists coming across the border, and it's long past time it was stopped.


05 January, 2005

He's Alive!

True to form, as soon as I do a clean-up of my blogroll, they start to come out of the woodwork. The Calamari El Grande (Big Squid to the non-Marines out there) is back from a sabbatical and promises to keep our interest during the new year.

OK - I made that last part up - but he's back, so go over and have a look at what he's up to.

And just why do Marines refer to Sailors as 'Squids', you may ask? Well, I believe there's a dictionary out there that defines a Squid as "A primitive form of sea life that survives on Marine waste".

I couldn't have said it better! Just don't hit me, OK, Sailor?


04 January, 2005

America's Sodom?

I'm watching something on the Discovery Times channel (while surfing to the football) about San Francisco earthquakes, and how the one in 1906 registered 7.8 and the Pacific plate moved north by about 10 - 15 feet.

Now, a couple of days before the recent tsunami, there was a report of a quake in the ocean floor between Antarctia and Tasmania. I remarked to She Who Must Be Obeyed at that time I was surprised there was no tidal wave (tsunami means "harbor wave" so use what you want).

With these tectonic plates being so active, can it be very long before San Francisco gets hammered again? The 1989 quake was a fart in a windstorm compared to what they figure is coming.

They've been making their own rules out there for quite a while now, forcing everyone to conform to their vision of what is Politically Correct. Despite the horrible loss of life and property damage that will ensue, can it be very long before these assholes find out that Mother Nature (Gaia to them) doesn't have any respect for them or their views? And am I going to roll on the floor, laughing my ass off?



Doc Farmer

I got hooked on this writer from ChronWatch when I saw his work on Sailor in the Desert. This is his end of year effort and it's a hoot!

Doc Farmer's End of the Year Bric-a-Brac
Written by Doc Farmer
Wednesday, December 29, 2004

This is sort of a quiet time of year for most people. Most news organizations do that tired old “that was the year that was” review, telling you all the stuff that you went through in the previous twelve months, as if your attention spans had been MTV’d down to around the goldfish level. You’re still sorting through all the wrapping paper you used at Christmas, hoping that your local Earth Liberation Front cell doesn’t get back at you for your blatant destruction of the forests by burning your house down. You’re still recovering from having relatives come and visit you (it takes my folks about two weeks to recuperate from me, poor things), or you’re still waiting for striking airline workers to return your luggage. You’re stocking up for New Years, of course - vodka, chips, scotch, dip, gin, nuts, vermouth, olives, rum, lemon slices, beer, Alka-Seltzer, wine, Vicodin, and a gift certificate to the Betty Ford Clinic (by the way, a sincere and hearty Get Well Soon to George Carlin).

Most of your colleagues have taken the week off, your plant is in shutdown mode, or you just can’t be arsed to get out of bed this week.

After the year we’ve all had, you feel like your get up and go has got up and went. You’re sort of cruising through the last seven days of this year. That’s how I feel, anyway.
So, this article won’t be very topical. I was going to rip Jan Egeland a new one for calling America “stingy” regarding our tsunami-relief efforts, but others have done that rather well. Besides, I’ve demanded the ouster of the United Nations at least twice this year already, so I’ve bagged my limit (note to VRWC: please increase this to four times next year!). I’m going to look back a bit, not at the stuff we already know about, but at the stuff we never got around to asking, that maybe we should have.

Remember that guy who used to work for Clinton, and ended up stuffing
secret documents in his pants and socks? What happened to him? Has he been
arrested yet? And if not, why not?

In that same vein, is Janet Reno still alive? She used to have a pretty popular dance party, from what I recall.

Why haven’t scientists discovered how much wood a wood chuck chucks if a
wood chuck could chuck wood? I’ve asked this earlier in the year, I know,
but you’d think one of these yutzes would have cottoned on to getting a juicy
government grant for this.

Has anyone figured out why “The Passion of the Christ” hasn’t sprung up with a bunch of sequels, prequels or copy-cat movies yet? Normally, Hollyweird gravitates toward money, after all.

Whither the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth? Granted, they did the country a great service by exposing John Kerry’s duplicity, lies and treason. Why haven’t they followed up and provided testimony for a criminal indictment? These guys don’t leave jobs half-done, usually.

Why can’t we have Mad Warthog’s Disease? Most people like cows, and dislike warthogs. It just seems unfair to make cows bear the brunt of bad press.

Speaking of that, why is it called “Mad” Cow Disease? Are they walking down the streets mumbling to themselves? Do they go up to the top of towers with high-powered rifles? Do they bomb McDonalds and Outback Steakhouses? Mad, indeed.

We had an election this year, and proved that some people still can’t count. Somebody go back in the archives and dig up that idea I had about using lottery machines in the next election. Utah doesn’t have the lottery, of course, but they don’t really need machines. I mean, how long can it take them to tally up 1,438 votes by hand? Get a few of the wives to help.

By the way, I believe a number of people expressed an interest to emigrate
to Canada or Europe when the election didn’t go their way. So why the hell
are they still here? North American Van Lines is at 1-800-823-0392, Mayflower is at 1-800-299-1700, U-Haul is at 1-800-468-4285, etc. Hell, I’ll even help some of you bozos pack!

End of year stories usually include “top ten” lists. So how did Arafat’s death rate above Ronald Reagan’s demise? Kinda tells you where the media’s priorities are, doesn’t it?

Shouldn’t there be a law that all these end of year “top ten” lists can only be compiled and presented by David Letterman? Frankly, he’ll do a much better job than those other guys.

When will Fox News finally stop Susan Estrich and Alan Colmes from hitting each other with ugly sticks?

When will CBS News finally announce that Dan Rather’s replacement is going
to be Baghdad Bob?

When will ABC News finally admit that Sam Donaldson got his hair the same
place as Elton John? By the way, somebody please trim those anti-Christ
eyebrows of his.

There was supposedly a “reality” show this year that re-did Gilligan’s Island. So why didn’t they just leave the castaways there and spare us having to watch? I hope Bob Denver sues TBS for besmirching the good name of his character.

How many of you have had enough “reality” by the bye? I mean, the only “real” reality this year was Janet Jackson’s Nipplegate (unless those were implants, of course).

Did you hear that some lady cloned her cat for $50 grand? Why not clone something useful instead? Like Regis Philbin. As much as he’s on TV, he must need a bit of a rest.

Are the truth in advertising laws still in effect? ‘Cause if they are, somebody had better rename “Everybody Loves Raymond” to “Almost Everybody Loves Raymond.” Frankly, I don’t even like Raymond all that much.

Is Michael Moore still alive? If so, why? I half expect him to explode, a la “Mr. Creosote” in “Monty Python’s Meaning of Life” - I just hope nobody videos that. The movie version was bad enough.

Before I forget, is Moore actually campaigning to get an Oscar? I still remember when he won the Palm d’Or in Cannes. He deserved the Palm d’Merde, quite frankly. Still does.

Oh, did you hear that there was a scholarly study this year that objectively proved there is a strong liberal bias in the news media? You didn’t? Gee, I wonder why that wasn’t reported....

Have a Happy, Healthy and Blessèd New Year, everybody!

About the Writer: Doc Farmer is a writer and humorist who is also a moderator on ChronWatch's Forum. He formerly lived in Saudi Arabia and Qatar, but now resides in the Midwest. Doc receives e-mail at docfarmer9999@yahoo.co.uk.