Oldie But Goody

Sometimes the old ones are the best ones:

Reverend Elton G. Johnson
Mission of Reform
Dakota City, Iowa 50529

Dear Sir;

Perhaps you have heard of me and my nationwide campaign in the cause of temperance. Each year for the past fourteen, I have made a tour of the Southern States and have delivered a series of lectures on the evils of drink.

On this tour, I have been accompanied by my young friend and assistant, Kenny Meyers. Kenny, a young man of good family and excellent background, is a pathetic example of a life ruined by excessive indulgence in Whiskey and Women.

Kenny would appear with me at the lectures and sit on the platform wheezing and staring at the audience through bleary blood-shot eyes, sweating profusely, picking his nose, passing gas and making obscene gestures while I would point him out as an example of what overindulgence can do to a person.

This summer, unfortunately, Kenny died. A mutual friend has given me your name and I wonder if you would be available to take Kenny’s place on the Fall 2006 and Spring 2007 tour? Please contact me as soon as possible.

Yours in faith,

MISSION OF FAITH

Reverend Elton G. Johnson