Patton & St. Peter

Most of you know that Patton was a well known Army General. What you may not know is that Patton hated Marines. As a matter of fact, he hated Marines so much that when he died and went to Heaven, he had only one request of St. Peter before entering:

"St. Peter," said Patton, "I am very happy to have made it to heaven, but before I come in, you must tell me if there are any Marines in Heaven. I'm sick of them. They were always outdoing my Army troops and making us look bad. They always got all the credit as the best fighting force on earth. Now I want to spend eternity in peace, without Marines!"

St Peter chuckled slightly and said, "Patton, you don't have to worry about that. Marines are too wild and crazy for Heaven. We can't have them here; they make too much noise and cause a lot of trouble."

With that, Patton gave a sigh of relief and went on in to Heaven. He decided to take a tour around to see his new eternal home. Patton saw all the wonderous beauties and was smiling and whistling. Then he turned the corner onto Main Street and he saw it. He became furious and went running back to the gates of Heaven.

"St. Peter!" cried Patton, "You promised me there were no Marines in Heaven, but I was just on Main Street and I saw a Marine standing tall and proud in his Dress Blues and shiny shoes. Right there in front of my own eyes!"

St Peter chuckled to himself and said, "Patton, calm down, that's not a Marine. I told you we can't have them in Heaven. That's God, he just thinks he's a Marine.