Real Groaners

I should be ashamed of myself for sharing these.

I'm not. Deal with it.

1. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and
get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the
reception was excellent.

2. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says,
"I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you
sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm
positive..."

3. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender
says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

4. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a
salted.

5. A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender
says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."

6. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

7. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt
under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one
for the road."

8. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says
to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

9. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green
Grass of Home'" "That sounds like Tom Jones
Syndrome." "Is it common?" Doc says "It's Not
Unusual."

10. Two cows standing next to each other in a
field, Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially
inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you,"
said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed
Daisy.

11. An invisible man marries an invisible woman.
The kids were nothing to look at either.

12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and
says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you
can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's
have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and
examines his eyes, then checks his teeth
Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him
down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No,
because he's really heavy."

13. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the
other day but I couldn't find any.

14. I went to the butcher's the other day and I
bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat
off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are
too high."

15 . I went to a seafood disco last week... and
pulled a mussel.

16 . What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

17 . Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is
the bar tender here?"