In the News?

Thumbing through today’s copy of the Winston Salem Urinal has produced the following:

The Chief Justice of North Carolina’s Supreme Court is urging the State government to set up a panel which would, "investigate defendants’ claims of innocence." Could’ve fooled me - I thought we already had one of those. It’s called the jury trial system.

Katie C(CCP)ouric gave an award to Caroline Kennedy, praising her about the way she handles, "the privilege and pressure of her last name." Apparently the award was for being named Kennedy.

The latest bombing in Iraq targeted, among others, an ice cream vendor. It blew up his only way of making a living as well as killing 18 and wounding 36. The Iraqi branch of AlQaeda was really, really proud of this effort.

Koffee Anus says that all the money Saddam got wasn’t from the Oil for Terror program after all - it was all the fault of the United States and Great Britain! Koughing Anus claims that the Saddam weapons were all bought with the ill-gotten gains of his smuggling oil out of the country. The best quote: "They were the ones who had interdiction, possibly they were also the ones who knew exactly what was going on, and the countries themselves decided to close their eyes to smuggling to Turkey and Jordan because they were allies" Dontcha just f’kin love it?

More mass graves were found in Iraq. One of these is believed to contain over 5,000 bodies, but they can’t do anything because the ‘insurgents’ would most likely blow any workers up or take them for beheading.

Finally, I scored the Daily Double in the OpEd section - Donald Kaul AND Maureen Dowd. How lucky can one cripple get?