Stay Away From My Daughter!!

No, not for the obvious reason - she's 27 and can look after her own damn self.

The reason to stay away from her is that a few years ago she married a real f'kin genius who had trouble tying his shoelaces. She finally got a divorce (cue Tammy Wynette) but never thought to get rid of his last name. Now she's paying for it in a big way!

So, if you happen to talk with my daughter and notice her last name, DO NOT, for fear for your safety, ask if she's related - because her name is - yes, you guessed it - KERRY.