Military Rules For The Non-Military

Pay attention, youse civilian pukes!

Dear Civilians,

We know that the current state of affairs in our great nation have many civilians up in arms and excited to join the military. For those of you who can't join, you can still lend a hand. Here are a few of the areas we would like your assistance with:

1) The next time you see an adult talking during the playing of the National anthem ... kick their ass.

2) When you witness firsthand someone burning the American Flag in protest ... kick their ass.

3) Regardless of the rank they held while they served, pay the highest amount of respect to all veterans. If you see anyone doing otherwise, quietly pull them aside and explain how these Veterans fought for the very freedom they bask in every second. Enlighten them on the many sacrifices these Veterans made to make this Nation great. Then hold them down while the Veteran kicks their ass.

4) If you are not in the military, DO NOT pretend that you are.  Wearing battle dress uniforms (BDU's), telling others that you used to be "Special Forces," and collecting GI Joe memorabilia might have been okay if you were still seven, but now it will only get your ass kicked. (Veterans are exempt from this rule).

5) If you witness someone calling an enlisted Marine "Sir," stand back ... a Marine will kick their ass.

6) Next time you come across an Air Force member, do not ask them, "Do you fly a jet?" Not everyone in the Air Force is a pilot. Such ignorance deserves an ass kickin’ (children are exempt).

7) Roseanne Barr's singing of the National Anthem is not a blooper ... it was a disgrace and disrespectful. Laugh, and sooner or later your ass will be kicked.

8) Next time Old Glory passes by during a parade, get on your damn feet and pay homage to her by placing your hand over your heart and quietly thank the military member or veteran lucky enough to be carrying her ... of course, failure to do either of those will earn you a severe ass kicking.

9) What Jane Fonda did during the Vietnam War makes her the enemy.  The proper word to describe her is "traitor." Hate her or else (asses will be kicked).

10) Don't try to discuss politics with a military member or a veteran.  We are Americans and we all bleed the same regardless of our party affiliation. Our Chain of Command, to include our commander in Chief … the President ... (for those who didn't know) is all that we acknowledge… We have no inside track on what happens inside those big important buildings where all those "representatives" meet. All we know is that when those civilian representatives screw up the situation, they call upon the military to go straighten it out. The military member might direct you to Oliver North. (I can see him kicking your ass already.)

11) "Your mama wears combat boots" never made sense to me.  Stop saying it! If she did, she would most likely kick your ass!

12) Bin Laden and the Taliban are not communists, so stop saying, "Let's go kill those Commie's!!!" And stop asking us where he is!!!!  Crystal balls are not standard issue in the military. That reminds me ... if you see anyone calling those damn psychic phone numbers; let me know, so I can go kick their ass.

13) Last but not least, whether or not you become a member of the military, support our troops and their families. Every Thanksgiving and religious holiday that you enjoy with family and friends please remember that there are, literally, thousands of troops overseas wishing they could be with their families. Thank God for our military and the sacrifices they make every day. Without them, our country would get its ass kicked!