A Former Sgt in the US Marines, US Army and Australian Federal Police - With an Attitude Problem - Looking at the Shits & Giggles of life from a Quasi-Conservative Point of View * * *
WARNING! STRONG LANGUAGE FOLLOWS! * * *
24 April, 2008
Boy Wonder - A Bio
Some of you out there may have noticed in the comments that Boy Wonder and I share the same disgusting sense of humor. There's a reason for this (besides genetics).
When living in Australia, he attended Marist, a Jesuit school; then went to St Edmunds High School, run by the Christian Brothers. While in high school, he managed one year to get a zero in Religion for the entire year. Now, this can't be done by accident - even a stopped clock is right twice a day. No, this took real talent. When She Who Must Be Obeyed and I were called in to the school to discuss this, it was all I could do to keep a straight face.
My boy is also flatulent in several languages. He holds a dubious record that I had never seen before, and deserved a standing ovation:
While at my mate Freddo's house, the normal loo was in use, so sunny boy used the one off Freddo's bedroom. After the paint and wallpaper peeled off the walls and the tiles started to melt, he was banned from EVER using the loo in that house again - there was a gas station two blocks away.
So today is Save the Planet Day. To use George Carlin's point of view, the planet's doing just fine - it's the people who're screwed. All the ecoweenies talk about the greening of the world. Let's work this out for a minute. Take all the bodies of water, Death Valley, the Sahara, the Middle East and the Gobi desert, and we're lucky to have 20% green on the planet, tops. And for all you tree huggers out there, do a little research. You'll find that around 75% of the oxygen on the planet comes from ocean algae.
I saw something in today's Urinal that brought back fond memories (tho they wern't so fond at the time). Both the Army and the Marines are now accepting felons - including armed robbers and arsonists. It reminds me of the days of poetic judges - "Five to Ten in the State Pen or Four in the Corps!"
Now on the political front. I've been thinking about who I'd like to see in the job of President. The main requirements would be:
- They don't want the job. - They're laid back but intelligent enough to surround themselves with the best minds available. - They may have a stand for either political party, but are not rabid about it. - There'd be some really ass-kicking parties at the White House!
Here's what I came up with. I figured that since we've has an actor for President, why not a musician?
- Jimmy Buffett - Joe Walsh - Buddy Guy - George Thorogood - Toby Keith - Hank Williams Jr - Ted Nugent
And just for the attitude and the comic relief we so badly need, Bill Engvall.
And yes, I honestly believe that any one of these would do a better job than any of our current choices!
Some years back, guitarist Eddie Vedder of the band Pearl Jam and a certified headcase, decided he'd sport a Mohawk haircut "until Americans stop killing people." I don't know if he's held to his political ideals.
It sounded like such a good idea that I've decided not to shave my beard until people overseasstop killing Americans.
I have a feeling that I'll be tripping over the damn thing if I live that long.
Last time I looked, we had cabinet positions out the ass - Agriculture, Commerce, Defense, Education, Energy, Health and Human Services, Homeland Security, Housing and Urban Development, Interior, Labor, State, Transportation, Treasury, and Veterans Affairs, and the Attorney General.
So how come the Marines and the Army are trying to do the nation building in the sandbox? The last time I checked, they both excelled at breaking things and killing people. Combat Engineers and SeaBees can only do so much.
If we're really serious about "nation building" then we need to get people over there to teach those folks. Besides State, which is a waste of time, we need to get Agriculture, Commerce, Education, Energy, Health and Human Services, and Housing and Urban Development into Iraq and Afghanistan.
Ben Hur, Moses, Michaelangelo and the hero of the Planet of the Apes died this week. Charleston Heston was a great actor, by all accounts a very good man, and Number One on the ACLU's Ten Most Wanted list. I guess Nugent will now inherit that position. Rest in Peace, Charleston.
You may not know this, but the Olympic torch is lit in Greece with a "pure flame" by using a mirrored parabola and the sun. So when the Chinese deliberately extinguished and re-lit it twice yesterday in Paris, they screwed the pooch.
Speaking of Olympics, contrary to popular belief, since the Games resumed in 1896, the Games have always been awarded to a city, not a nation. For example:
1964 Tokyo 1968 Mexico City 1972 Munich 1976 Montreal 1980 Moscow 1984 Los Angeles 1988 Seoul 1992 Barcelona 1996 Atlanta 2000 Sydney 2004 Athens 2008 Beijing 2012 London.
By the way, I did some research - Tibet covers an area of about 965,250 square miles - as you look straight down at it. If you flattened it out, it would be closer to 15 million!
There was an ad for one of those wonderful weight loss pills that stopped me in my tracks - the ad claimed that their product was "not available in pharmacies or drug stores". Huh? What did I miss?
Apparently she's done it again, but since Hillary has proven herself a pathological liar there's no sense going any further.
Oh - and a true story I heard on radio back in the 70's. Apparently there was a fire in a cave at the bottom of the Grand Canyon, and what was on fire was fossilized Giant Sloth dung. By examining this dung scientists could determine the sloth's diet and what the vegetation was like - but they were having a problem putting the fire out without destroying the dung. Then the radio announcer, I swear, said "If anyone knows how to save this endangered feces please let us know".
The following article was sent to me by a mate in San Diego. It's from The Mercury News, a Silicon Valley paper:
Police: Teen makes mistake of trying to rob former U.S. Marine Bay City News Service
SANTA ROSA - A boy in his mid-teens learned Wednesday afternoon that it is not a good idea to try to rob a former U.S. Marine at knifepoint, even if the former Marine is 84 years old, police said today.
Santa Rosa police Sgt. Steve Bair said that's what happened around 2 p.m. in the 1600 block of Fourth Street. The elderly man was walking with a grocery bag in each arm when the boy approached him with a large knife, Bair said.
The boy said, "Old man, give me your wallet or I'll cut you," Bair said. The man told the boy he was a former Marine who fought in three wars and had been threatened with knives and bayonets, Bair said.
The man then put his bags on the ground and told the boy that if he stepped closer he would be sorry. When the boy stepped closer, the man kicked him in the groin, knocking him to the sidewalk, Bair said. The ex-Marine picked up his grocery bags and walked home, leaving the boy doubled over, Bair said.
The man reported the attempted robbery to police 45 minutes later.
Bair said the teen is described only as 15 or 16 years old. Anyone with information is asked to call the Police Department.